Journey to Inner Narnia
Diary // 1
It has been so long since I wrote that starting again feels tender. For years I shared my discoveries - places I found, experiences that cracked something open, the Narnias I kept stumbling into. But I feel like a different person now. The same things still interest me - but from a new angle. Something has opened. A new level of understanding, a deeper connection to myself.
I no longer travel the way I used to. I don't wake up thinking "I need to get to Bali" or the next island. I found the feeling I was chasing across continents - and it was inside me the whole time. Many books talk about this feeling. But you can't describe it with words. You can only experience it.
One thing that helped me understand myself deeply was Human Design - something I had heard about hundreds of times before it finally landed. If you are a Generator, maybe the system makes immediate sense to you. But if you are a Projector or Reflector, you might have spent years wondering: "Why doesn't anything work for me the way it works for others?"
Understanding my energy type made life so much lighter. I stopped comparing myself to people I admired. I started understanding my daughter better. I understood the people around me with more compassion.
I think this should be written in our passports. Knowing your type saves you years of confusion.
There is something else I used to write about often - the Universe, the invisible threads connecting everything, the sense that things happen exactly when they need to. But after certain experiences, that faith disappeared. And I can say now: that was a dark period. Close to depression, even when the sun was shining and everything looked fine from the outside.
Meya's birth brought my faith back. It was like a door opening to the light again. Now I feel calm knowing that nothing happening around me is meaningless. Since finding this connection - to God, to the Creator, to Energy, to the Universe, call it whatever feels closest - I feel guided again. From the first ray of morning light to the dreams at night. Everything is connected. Ask the question and you will receive the answer. Maybe today, maybe in a month - but it will come.
My wish for you: just stop. Don't look at anything, don't listen to anything. Spend even 10 minutes with yourself in silence. You won't believe what you find there.
Human Design helped me understand myself through Maike Gabriela - her insta and her youtube
Reconnecting with myself and finding faith again through David Ghiyam - his insta and his youtube
Books that have been with me during this chapter of life:
The Creative Act: A Way of Being - Rick Rubin
The Artist's Way - Julia Cameron